How Living Abroad Showed Me What It Really Means To Understand Culture

Summary: Today’s world allows us to choose where we live and who to surround ourselves with. However, this much freedom also prevents us from staying longer periods of time in cultures and from really getting to know them. Because the true nature of a culture only becomes visible after some time, and understanding a new culture means challenging our own, deepest beliefs. The Lewis Model of Dimensions of Behaviour outlines how different cultures act differently. By understanding that, we gain valuable insights about others and ourselves and can finally be more flexible in our actions and more open towards seeing good things.

Freedom has risen to be the #1 thing that people nowadays strive for: With an increasing number of remote jobs and countries opening up for digital nomads, it’s become more accessible than ever to travel the world, decide where to live, how long to stay and who to surround ourselves with. We want to be adventurous, free humans that are open towards the world.

But there’s a paradox.

Becoming open-minded towards the world and new cultures means staying when things get hard – or even deeply uncomfortable. But, with the amount of freedom that we nowadays have, we often choose the easy way out: When things don’t go as we want them to, we can leave to another place and surround ourselves with more like-minded people.

And by that, we’re missing out on a real chance to understand the world and ourselves.

Peeling Back The Layers

As we arrive in a new country, we experience a honeymoon phase for several weeks. We try new food, hear new sounds, perceive new smells, see how people dress, behave, interact and celebrate differently. In short, we’re mesmerized by a different vibe and might feel like we’re on an adventure in a fantasy world. And that’s wonderful if we’re looking for excitement.

But excitement fades, and that’s when many people move on to the next place. If decide to stay, however, this is what happens:

When living and working with people of another country, we soon notice that culture goes beyond the visible parts like food, clothing and customs. We see it popping up in very subtle ways: How problems are solved differently, how conflicts are addressed, how friendships work in ways we’re not used to. We see things we like, and also things we don’t like.

But there will come a point where we have to face things we believe to be objectively wrong.

For instance, we could feel:

  • betrayed as we see that people don’t keep what they promised because they have another understanding of honesty
  • humiliated as someone criticizes us in front of our co-workers because we have a different of point of view on discretion
  • disappointed if we can’t count on a friend because they might have another perspective on what showing up for each other means

As those situations accumulate, they’re not anymore single behaviours by individuals – they become a pattern, and we become the odd one. At first, we’re just annoyed. Then, we might try to defend ourselves or even convince others that they’re wrong. But eventually, we become frustrated and start questioning if we are actually the ones who are wrong.

And this is where growth starts.

The Lewis Model – Dimensions of Behaviour

There are several models that try to paint a picture of cultural behaviour. They take into account questions like whether a country is rather individualistic or collectivistic, rational or emotional and so on.

One model turned out to be especially helpful during my stays abroad: The Lewis Model of Dimensions of Behaviour, which basically says that each country can be found on a range between 3 categories, based on its collective behaviour.

But let me say this first: This model is not supposed to create stereotypes and put people into boxes. Humans are, of course, influenced by much more than their culture: We’re a product of our upbringing, genetics, social class, education etc. But we cannot neglect the fact that the culture in which we grow up is a system of incentives and punishments that fosters a certain kind of behaviour and retains another.

The model goes as follows:

  • Linear-active countries (e. g. Germany, North America, Switzerland): These countries tend to be job-oriented, they like clear rules, processes and efficiency, value honesty over thoughtfulness in relations and are rather cold in interactions.
  • Multi-active (e. g. Latin American or Arab countries): These countries are rather relationship-oriented, meaning that they value friendships, family, a warm work environment more than pure efficiency or rules.
  • Reactive (e. g. Vietnam, China, Japan): These countries tend to value respect and harmony. They appreciate listening to each other and compromising to find a solution that fits everyone instead of just being fast and efficient.

This model made me understand how much my own belief system is shaped by the culture I grew up in – but, most importantly, that my belief system just a variation of something rather than the one and only truth. 

And acknowledging that allowed me to see that each value can be good and bad at the same time – it’s just a matter of perspective. Instead of judging things exclusively based on my own value system, I could now see where certain behaviours came from – and that most of the things people do come from good intentions.

For example:

Imagine you’re in a group of friends who are deciding on where to go to dinner. In linear-active cultures, everyone would say which place they prefer, and based on that, take a decision. Reactive cultures, however, might not directly say what they prefer, but maybe make several suggestions, going back and forth without really making a firm statement, in order to choose a place that fits every single one of the group.
In this case, linear-active cultures would accept that not everyone is 100 % happy with the decision for the sake of efficiency. Reactive cultures, on the other hand, would rather make sure that nobody is left behind, on the cost of a quick decision.

This is a pretty light example, but understanding culture also means being confronted with harder questions, such as: Do we decide to tell a friend an uncomfortable truth for the sake of solving a conflict or do we value harmony over truth? Is is healthier to be there for friends and family no matter what, or should we make personal boundaries our priority?

And how come we choose one value system over the others?

Digging Deeper – Questions Over Questions

There are probably a lot of dynamics that play into what we value. And I don’t know if it’s ever possible to capture them all. Humans are complex and so are cultures. And the more I learn about culture, the more questions I have:

  • How does the way a state is built shape the way people are thinking? Does it incentivize certain behaviours and punish others?
  • How does the phase of the economic cycle in which I grew up affect my values
  • What is the cost of my value system?
  • Is my linear-active culture actually based on fear and greed?
  • How do war, economic crisis or expropriations impact your trust in life, institutions and people?
  • What is the global narrative about my country?
  • Are there some cultures that are more prone towards depression?

– Can we ever really understand another culture?

Understanding That We Know Nothing

The better I spoke a language and the longer I lived in a certain country, the deeper I could get into a culture. The greatest thing about having immersed myself deeply into several new cultures is that it gives me more resources in how I act: I can pick what I like from another culture, adopt that and set aside behaviours that don’t serve me in certain situations. It made me more flexible in relationships with other people.

However, I eventually hit a wall and learned that I will never be able to fully adapt to a new culture. Because, in the end, I didn’t grow up there. I was educated differently. My passport gives me privileges with which I will never experience – and therefore understand – the struggles that others have.

But understanding that I can’t fully understand other cultures made me realize that I’ll also never be in a position to judge them.

That doesn’t mean that I have to agree with everything. I can disagree with something and still assume that it comes from a good place. Because in the end, I truly believe that people have good intentions – even though we might not see them at first sight.

So, my takeaway is this:
Understanding culture means understanding that everything we do, value and belief is a trade-off, and that there is no one absolute truth. It means understanding where behaviours are coming from instead of judging them from only one perspective, but also acknowledging that there is a lot that we will never be able to fully understand. It means letting go of judgment, gaining flexibility in relationships with others and being more open to seeing the good intentions behind behaviours.

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